….I found myself driving home laughing, crying, praising, crying and rolling my eyes at myself. I’m sure I gave fellow car travelers something to gawk at. o__O
I woke up on and off this morning starting at 2 am up until 6 am. I felt like I was supposed to pray….I felt like something was extremely wrong. I didn’t know if it was the 12 taquitos (I fell off the Paleo diet for a moment….don’t judge. lol) that I ate last night or if I was really supposed to be praying about something.
Today I felt overwhelmed and I had a sense of fear of the unknown. I feel like I need to take a time out just to get my feelings in check. I cried a total of 5 times at work. I’m sure I’ll start crying while typing this blog post. Writing (Typing) …*tearing up* always makes me feel better. I have a hard time expressing myself verbally. Never understood why…but oh well.
So why the emotional turmoil? No, it’s not menopause. I’m too young. I think the biggest thing that’s got my heart all in a knot is that my home in Texas is back on the market and I am afraid it won’t sell. There I said it. I’m having a moment of weakness today. I feel like I’m laughing and knowing that it’ll all be ok and then 5 minutes later I feel dizzy and I start crying because of the fear of the unknown. “God will take care of us!” “What if it doesn’t sell?” “God won’t let me down” “What if we run out of money before it sells and can’t afford the mortgage? What then?” Very unstable. The “what if’s” are playing loudly in my head. I find myself clinging to random bits of scripture and praise songs just to keep me going today. Which makes me feel like I’m letting God down because I am so doubtful today. If this is the testing of my faith, I am failing miserably today. I wanted to share because I wanted to be real. We all have our moments. Sunday morning’s message was about not asking God why something bad happened but asking myself how I’m going to respond to the situation that’s in front of me. So I need to change my response….and all I need is a mustard seed of faith……
From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. – Psalms 61:2-3
“Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)”
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
As always, thanks for listening. I feel better. I pray tomorrow’s a better day.